Shelby: The Dog That Helped Me Heal with Jon Lee Brody

He watched Shelby come into the world, then had to learn how to let her go. John Lee Brody joins me for a raw, deeply personal conversation about what it means to love a dog with your whole nervous system and what happens when that love turns into caretaking, vigilance, and grief. Shelby was a 21-pound corgi with a huge presence, and John’s story starts with a rare beginning: breeder updates, a webcam view of her birth, and the unmistakable instinct of “that one is mine.” 

From there, we get into the heart of mental health and dog companionship. John talks openly about depression, anxiety, and panic, and why a dog’s daily routines can be more grounding than any perfect explanation. We unpack the “woo-woo” side of loss too: the uncanny sense many people have that a beloved pet is still close, and how meaning-making can be both comforting and surprisingly logical. We also talk about upbringing, approval seeking, and the relief of experiencing truly unconditional love in a world that can feel transactional. 

Then we walk through Shelby’s kidney failure journey in detail, including the first scary symptoms, emergency vet care, creatinine and BUN numbers, subcutaneous fluids at home, specialist visits, holistic support, and the year-plus “bonus life” John fought for. We close with how he honors Shelby now, from memorial tattoos to the enduring lessons she left behind: presence, compassion, and a quieter kind of courage. Subscribe for more conversations about dogs, grief, and healing, and if this resonates, share it with a friend and leave a review.

Resources for Jon: 

That Was Pretty Scary Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/that-was-pretty-scary/id1671664183

https://www.instagram.com/jonleebrody/?hl=en

Transcript

Welcome And Why Dogs Matter

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hi, welcome to the Brew. I'm Charlotte Bain. Today, my guest is actor, filmmaker, and podcaster John Lee Brody. John is also a passionate advocate for mental health, using storytelling to help break down stigma and encourage more open conversations. He's also a lifelong dog lover who experienced the heartbreaking loss of his corgi Shelby after only five years together. An experience that deepened his understanding of just how profoundly dogs can shape our lives. Today we're talking about grief, healing, mental health, and the extraordinary role that dogs play in helping us through some of life's hardest moments and how our relationships with dogs often reveal the very best parts of ourselves. So let's just jump into this chat. How is your summer? First of all, how's your summer been so far?

SPEAKER_03 0:55

It has been great. It's it's been one of the the best summers I've had in a while, honestly. Which which is uh you know, I'm in a place, I'm in a good place now. It's what's an abitement since I could say, Oh, I'm I'm good. Yeah, uh if I'm being honest. And I how about you? Like, how are you doing these days?

SPEAKER_00 1:10

I know that I'm doing pretty well. I think last we spoke, I was talking about how I feel like all this motivation or guidance and you know, or you know, I don't know, just like a different just a different energy. And you were like, I think chance has something to do with that. I don't know if you remember that, but it stuck with me. It was like one of the last things when we had lunch. It was like one of the last things you said, and I was like, you're right.

SPEAKER_03 1:37

Well, because we're both very much into like the woo-woo, you know, which I'm very open about. And I feel like I think more people are into it than they want to admit. I just think we're bold enough to just say, yeah, a hundred percent. Because as much as someone wants to disprove it, it's like you can't disprove it just like we can't really prove it, but at the same time we kind of can, because how else can you explain certain alignments, you know?

SPEAKER_00 1:59

Yeah. I think especially when it comes to like death and like loved ones passing over, because everyone's had an experience that I've talked to, right? Whether it be it a pet or a person, everyone's had some sort of experience where it feels like their loved one is the close or something. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:16

Yeah, it's all pretty uncanny. I mean, that that's to me, that's the this is just me speaking personally. Like I think that's the only way you can really explain it. Yeah. It's like to me, that sounds the most logical. It's like if you try to like, I don't think logic is, you know, I think logic has its place in terms of like its linear approach, but I also feel like to me, it's like, well, I think to be illogical is also to be logical, you know. I don't think you should be ever bound to one certain extreme, you know.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

And why do we have to understand it? You know, like it's better we don't. No, like can it just be what it is? Like we don't get it, but something's something's happening.

SPEAKER_03 2:52

Well, it's like, look, if if someone comes, like if HVAC repairman comes and fixes my AC, like I don't need to know how they did it. It's just like I just know that they did.

SPEAKER_02 3:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:02

And I probably got a pretty hefty bill for it, but at least it got done. It's like it's nice to know if like I would know how that would happen, but I'm yeah, like uh it's funny. I was talking about this a couple of weeks ago about how when I was younger, my mom would put all this pressure on me to get good grades. Like, if you don't get good grades, you're gonna get into air conditioning school. And I always give my mom shit for this. I'm like, you know, mom, if you would have just let me be a C average student, yeah, uh, I would be cleaning up right now in this heat wave. You realize like how much work I'd have.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

Everywhere. It's like, you know, yeah, yeah. Yep. She was wrong on that one.

SPEAKER_03 3:34

Oh, oh, and she I was like, mom, like clearly I saw climate change coming right at the age of tender age of 12 when you wanted me to make high honor roll, but like I knew like this is where we're going. You know, if you would just like lean in, like imagine.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

But

Meeting Chance And Woo-Woo Belief

SPEAKER_00 3:50

you did make high honor roll as far as I can tell. You did very well, you did very well. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:54

I did. Yeah, summa cum laude in college and all that stuff. And you know, now my diploma, I don't even know where my diplomas are, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

But did it did it come in handy for acting as they usually do?

SPEAKER_03 4:06

Yeah, my my major in accounting, I don't know how much that comes into play. It's like I guess like I could be the Daniel Day Lewis equivalent, like if I have to play like an accountant, yeah, you know, that does someone's taxes, but at the same time, it's like how method do you have to be to do that? You know, right. I was like, I don't think Ben Affleck was an accountant in the accountant, so I don't think it ever comes into play.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

You never know.

SPEAKER_03 4:27

He might be, I mean, but Ben Affleck is also very, very smart. He's also a very intelligent individual. So for all I know, he probably is a CPA. He just doesn't flex it, you know.

unknown 4:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

That's hilarious. Um, you know that Chance had a Chance's job was an attorney at law. We used to joke that he was an attorney and that he had a law firm, and then all of my little kiddos were part of his law firm. Like one of my goofiest like golden retrievers was one that was the male guy because he was like such a you know the guy who pushes the cart in the office. Sure. I don't even know if they still have that these days because email, but anyway, yeah. Chance was also a professional, is what I'm saying. Yeah, he was very smart.

SPEAKER_03 5:04

He was very uh because I only got to meet him that one time, you know, when we were with uh Heather Downey and and Dr. Heather Oxford. You gotta give her all her credentials. But he did have that sort of elder statesman sort of vibe. It's like, okay, this probably is the senior partner at like a law firm where you want negotiating your deal, you know.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Totally. And he had that from day one. I think when you met him, he was already like almost he was like 16 and a half, I think. Yeah, he was already getting up there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:30

But he was alert. I remember him being very alert because we were talking, and then every time you said his name, like specifically you, when he heard your voice, he would look up. Yep. Even though he was, you know, at the time where like all he wanted to do, like he was basically like the koala, like forever on nap time, which that's goals for me, honestly. It's like I would love to be just a koala taking naps all the time and eating eucalyptus. But uh yeah, I just remember like I distinctly remember that with just him always looking up, just like, yeah, I hear you, I'm still here. You know, I always the more I look back on that, it's very endearing, you know.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

It is sweet. We have a little of that on camera, I think. Yeah, it's very sweet. Yeah, because he was. He was always he was present in his noggin till the very last moment, yeah, which is good and bad, yeah. I think, but yeah.

Shelby’s Origin Story And Gotcha Day

SPEAKER_00 6:14

I'm sorry I never got to meet Shelby, and that's what we're gonna talk about today. That's why we're here, yeah. That's why we're here. So let's talk about Shelby. Tell me about Shelby. She came into your life when she was just a baby, right?

SPEAKER_03 6:28

It was a pretty unique experience. Like, and I'm sure others have had something similar, but the origins of me getting Shelby goes back to like I knew the parents of Shelby's mom, Farah. And Farah's brother Bentley was on this BBC show called Dirk Gently Detective Agency with Elijah Wood.

SPEAKER_02 6:46

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 6:47

And anytime I would see a Corgi anywhere, I was like, I gotta know everything about this Corgi, where'd this Corgi come from? So I remember seeing Dirk Gently. I'm like, wait, this show has a Corgi. Like, look, Elijah Wood's great. Yeah. This has a Corgi.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

The Corgi's the star.

SPEAKER_03 6:59

100%. And Elijah Wood knew it. I'm pretty sure Elijah Wood had to take a pay cut for that show, and probably uh very proudly so. But you know, if someone can fact check me on that, maybe Elijah Wood's gonna call in now and be like, yeah, yeah, actually, that's completely correct. And because I was already frodo, so it doesn't matter. But, anyways, uh, this is before Twitter became whatever it is now, so you could kind of seek out information back then. So I'm like, I need to know who this cor where who this corgi is on Dirk Gently Detective Agency. And probably within five minutes, the Bentley account, whoever runs was running that, his name's Mike, messed up, oh that's Bentley, that's my dog, actually, and all that stuff. So I'm like, we became friendly through that, and then shortly after they got Farah, which was um from another litter, but like I believe they shared like a parent uh between her and Bentley, and Farah like pretty much looked just like what Shelby would end up looking like. And then it came to the point and I was like, I think I'm ready for my own dog. And what I asked Mike was, I was like, where did you get Farah? Like, how did you even go about this? Like, I'm so like new to this, and he's like, It's so crazy that you ask because Farah's actually pregnant right now. So I was like, Really? I was like, okay, like I that happened quickly, and you know, uh, and he's like, Well, would you want like pick of the litter when it comes when it comes time? I said, Absolutely. So I was involved with that from the very jump. Like, I even like I was saw Farah while she was pregnant with all the puppies, including Shelby. And I have a photo for I'll share it with you um once we get off here. Like it was like I because I was up in Vancouver because that's where they were all from, and I was there for like the arrow Christmas party. This is when all the CW shows were on the air, and I took a moment to just visit with Bentley Farah and Mike and everybody, and I had this photo of me holding Farah like by this Christmas tree, it was Christmas time, and she's clearly like pregnant. So technically, that was the first time I held Shelby was when I held her mom Farah. And they set it up where I was getting these updates of how she's doing, how far along she is, and they set up this like webcam where I actually got to see the birth. So I I witnessed the birth of Shelby from Farah, which again, I don't know how common that is. You know, I I maybe if you live on a farm or something like that, I don't I really don't know how it works, but I know that for most dog parents, that's not the norm.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

Especially if you rescue, but with sometimes with breeders, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:20

Yeah, absolutely. And and I really was, and to anyone listening, I would have looked at like the rescue route before anything, you know. Sure. But uh, I just so happened to like you know, had the situation, which again, once in a lifetime, probably won't ever happen again. And that that's great because like I got to experience it that one time, but I remember she was the second born, and I could barely see it's a very pixelated like webcam, but they're talking to me throughout, like, oh, here comes the second one, oh, it's a girl, and I could just instinctually like, oh, that's mine. Like, you know, we have like four more coming. I'm like, I don't need to even see him. Like, I already know, like, just something instinctually, like, I knew like that second one was her, and I said, That's Shelby. Like, I knew that that that's what her name was gonna be. And the name comes from some people think I'm a big car enthusiast, which I've I'm not. It's like I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

Shelby a car.

SPEAKER_03 10:12

There's a Shelby Mustang from like Ford Mustang, which you know that's not what she's named after. So I'm a big comic book nerd. And in the comic books, there's there's in in the show Smallville, and there's one set of comic books for Superman where when Clark Kem was living in Smallville, he had a dog named Shelby. So it's like I always thought the name Shelby was really nice, and that's I always said like if I ever had like a dog or anything, like I would name name her Shelby. Yeah, and um, yeah, so that was January 7th, 2019, and I was getting updates like daily and weekly, like in real time, seeing her go from like a newborn who had her eyes shut, and they sent me a video of like when she first opened her eyes. Like, I had all this access to her, all the way leading up to March 16th, which is like our gotcha day, when I finally like actually held her, and like you know, as somebody who you know doesn't have a human baby in full transparency, don't really desire that. Uh you know, I was like, this is my moment of like okay, this is what people who have human babies probably talk about when they hold their infant, their newborn for the first time. That's what it felt like for me. Like it's part of my brain just sort of opened up, and I just knew, okay, like this is this is a very like dividing line in my life and like where everything's gonna change. And uh,

Anxiety Relief And Pandemic Companionship

SPEAKER_03 11:32

you know, this is like where like my day-to-day is gonna change because now it's like it's not just me and the equation, it's gonna be me and this little one. And uh that that's really where it started, you know. And but if I'm gonna be really honest, like that I was not in like the best like mental headspace at the time.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

Yeah, I was gonna ask well, what's happening in your life when you when she came into your life?

SPEAKER_03 11:52

Because uh it was chaos, yeah. You know, career was not great, finances weren't ideal, you know, and I I didn't really like the apartment I was living in, but I was like, I'm gonna figure it out. I got no other choice. If I'm gonna I'm gonna this this little you know miracles my world, I'm gonna figure it out. Yeah, but uh I was just a big ball of anxiety, just you know, until I held her, I'm like, okay, this moment here is perfect. I'll figure everything out, you know, once I we head back down to Los Angeles, because I went up to Grants Pass, Oregon to actually pick her up.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

They met you like halfway or something, or is that where she is?

SPEAKER_03 12:30

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's nice. Yeah, which which was good. And you know, it's the first time I was ever really in Grants Pass, Oregon. Yeah, yeah, and which is a lovely, lovely town. And you know, I think I think I've I've read this about people who like have human babies. It's like the ride home from the hospital is like the most anxious because you're leaving that sort of safe space, right? And similar sort of DNA to that in terms of oh, when I left Grants Pass, Oregon, that's when all the reality set in of okay, like now we gotta figure out how am I gonna do this thing. And um, but you know, like it's one of those things where I was like, I got no choice, I'm gonna have to figure it out and make it work, you know.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

And you did that immediately. It took me like a good week. A week of like staring at chance, going, um, I don't know, like what am I supposed to do here? And then it clicked in. But yeah. Something you said, you said you knew that that Shelby was yours. What do you think about that moment made you? Was it just like spiritual or just what was happening in your body when that happened?

SPEAKER_03 13:31

It was just like pure instinct, you know. Again, we're talking about the woo-woo. Yeah, you know, that's certainly where that goes.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

Yeah, you want it.

SPEAKER_03 13:39

100%. Yeah, you know. We're we're all woo-woo having a human experience, I think, at best. That that's the way I approach life.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

I love that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:48

Yeah. So yeah, that that's really what it was. Like it's like it's it's the I can't explain the how and the why, but I can just simply say it's as simple as me saying it was a pure instinct. And I just knew like that was it. And and sure enough, I was correct, you know, she wasn't, you know, but because when the moment I held it the first time, you know, you get the flash of like the previous like couple of months of me seeing all the videos of her, all the photos of her, and seeing her literally like fitting in the palm of your hand here to me like holding her here. It's like, yeah, this was all you know, meant to happen the way it's supposed to happen. You know, it's very much making giving validity to Kierkegaard's philosophy. When you look at it all in reverse, yeah, it all completely makes sense. Even you know, with her not having her time her here being cut short.

SPEAKER_02 14:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:36

In in its own weird way that I could not ever comprehend or explain or fathom, it was just like it seems like that unfortunately was the way it was meant to happen. You know, because I because I look at where she got to me at this point and what happened during those five years we had together. Would I still love to have her here now? She should still be here now and thriving. Yeah, a hundred percent. But at the same time, when I look at what sort of transpired after she crossed the Rainbow Bridge and everything like that, and just the years we had together, it certainly got to me where I'm supposed to be, which is you know, right here, right now.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

Yeah. Yeah. That's what they say. No other place to be no other place to be. Um you've been open, very open about struggling with like depression and anxiety, and you speak about that often. How did Shelby help you with that? What do you think her role in supporting you in that way?

SPEAKER_03 15:31

You know, this is the the magic of companionship and dogs in general. And it's just like dogs really are magical. You know, they they can they see it, they sense it, they absorb it, and they're just like, you know, hey, I'm here. And without, you know, it's really just uncanny. And you can't really explain it because this is something like you don't get to communicate with dogs the ways you or and I are gonna communicate, you know. Like it's it would be great. That would be great, you know, uh if if we could do that. But you know, we do have a language, we do have a proprietary language we have with our with our soul pets, which is certainly what I had with Shelby. And you know, anytime I would feel extreme anxiety, which crazy enough, I don't have anymore, and I'm gonna get into that in a second, yeah, in terms of Shelby's role into that. But when I would have these moments of feeling like the world is on fire, the world is this, especially because like we spent the pandemic together. So I got her in 2019 and went through 2020 and all that stuff together. Like she was like my lockdown buddy, yeah, you know, which was huge for that. It's like if I had to go through that by myself, that's a whole other story. But like the fact that I had this beautiful, you know, being next to me that I could wake up next to and go for walks and have some sort of sanity was with was such a gift. So I I think about that as like the same world that can be so chaotic and maybe seem so cruel and make no fucking sense. That same world can create something so beautiful, and in this case, it was in the form of this 21-pound corgi named Shelby that I got to have as like my best companion for five years. So to me, like, was that like directly helping with like my feelings of because I my therapist says like I have situational depression, certain things in my life can trigger certain depression, depressive episodes. Yeah, certainly had a lot of anxiety and all that stuff. Was her presence contributing to alleviating that? Absolutely, but at the same time, it was giving me perspective. And I feel like that's the thing that dogs have. Dogs understand being so present in the moment. Yeah, you know, it's like they it's like we get so caught up in like we don't want to be in the mundane, we don't want to have the same routine, but dogs thrive on that. They love like, no, I love getting the same meal, I love getting up the same time to go up, go outside and pee and all that stuff. I love getting my breakfast and I love getting my nap and I love having my afternoon walk and I love having my second meal of the day. Yeah, and that's it. And that's yeah, it's like the mo that's like the best thing for them. And I feel like me observing that, and especially those years, the years when she got sick and the kidneys were failing her, she was still showing up and being like her best self. Where us as humans, it's hard for us to do that. I think it's hard for any of us to do that, even on maybe on a good day. But it's like me observing that, just seeing how like up until the very end, how she was always just present and giving her ever giving me everything she had. To me, it's like that was the ultimate lesson and perspective, you know. That that's really what I get from her, and that's something I still carry with me, you know, to this day.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Yeah, absolutely. I will say, I'm not sure dogs love getting the same meal every day. I think all the other ones I'm sure they do. I think they'd probably like more variety, but they tolerate it. They're happy to have it. They're happy that that that they're getting fed at all, right? They're just happy to be here. Um, do you think she regulated your nervous system? I found that when when chance passed, that's one thing, and that's one thing initially that that I struggled with was that I just felt like his presence, you know, regulated my nervous system.

SPEAKER_03 19:04

Yeah, I I so what I was touching on earlier about my my anxiety in general and how I don't feel that same anxiety anymore.

Trauma, Approval Seeking, And Unconditional Love

SPEAKER_01 19:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:12

This comes back to Smallville, you know. So there's this episode of Smallville, and I swear I have a point with this. There's this episode of Smallville where there's there's just like this freaky Friday version where Lionel Luther, the dad of Lex Luther, this evil, evil guy, and Clark can like swap bodies. And so throughout the whole episode, like they're one another sort of thing. But by the end, they switch bodies back, and then it turns out like Lionel Luther. Okay, spoiler alert for anybody who hasn't seen Smallville, but at the same time, I think I'm safe from the statute of limitations of spoiler alerts because it's been over 10 years. But anyway, if you haven't seen it, you know I'm about to spoil a season like five, six, seven uh plot point. Lionel Luther gets back because he had this like terminal illness, but then when he switches bodies back after being in Clark Kent's body, it turns out like the cancer he had is like gone. It's like because the puren of Clark Kent and Superman like basically healed him, is is what happened. So I think of that because of like those years I had with Shelby, and then even you know, the anticipatory grief I was feeling like when I knew she had kidney disease, and I was doing everything I could within a year and a half of what I call her bonus life, that year and a half bonus life where I was taking her to specialists every week and going to the holistic vet every week and doing checkups every single day and having to do subcutaneous fluids and all this stuff, basically being her caretaker and having that anticipatory grief, you know, really be present, which I know you know quite a bit about. Uh, when it comes to that, the moment she passed, you know, and I like I held her when she passed, I felt all that go away. It's almost like her, the magicalness of Shelby like really healed me in that respect. You know, it's like she took that on, and it's like as her last like departing gift was like, okay, like I know I can't stick around as long as you need me to, but I'm gonna help you out here. And I haven't felt that same like crippling anxiety that I used to feel prior to Shelby. Like, I used to have to just take CBD or THC gummies just to kind of level myself down. I haven't had to do that since, you know, like in any respect, I haven't had the like that doesn't mean I definitely don't ever feel anxious. I we're human beings, but it's not nearly on the level it was prior to that, and the common denominator is Shelby, you know, and that again going back to the woo-woo. It the only logical explanation I have is like in that moment where I held her for the last time, she's just like, hey, I'm always gonna be with you, but but I'm I'm also gonna like help you with this so that you can live the life you're supposed to live. So that's that's just again, like that's the way I interpret it, and that's the thing that makes the most sense, you know, when I word it that way. I I really do feel like she healed me in so many ways.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

That gives me chills. Yeah. Yeah, I hundred percent. I hundred percent agree. I feel there was definitely a shift with my anxiety when chance passed.

SPEAKER_03 21:57

And I think the other thing, look, I I grew up in an environment. Environment where you know it's a pretty tumultuous household that I grew up in, a lot of tension all the time. Like I didn't realize what I was growing up in wasn't normal until I got you know went to other people's houses, first of all. But then as I got older and I went to therapy and I unwrapped it with my trauma therapists, I was like, I was living in a state of high anxiety all the time because at any moment's notice my dad would just go off on stuff. Like that's just he was so volatile all the time.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

Unpredictable.

SPEAKER_03 22:26

You know, he has since passed on, but at the same time, you know, I have forgiven him. So, like, just just so people know, like, yeah, that I don't excuse the behavior that that he exhibited, but at the same time, like I can take it upon myself to not hang on to that residual anger. So I have forgiven him for it, but I have to honestly acknowledge that he's the reason like I was having anxiety all the time growing up. Like, because I knew at a moment if I just spilled like a glass of water or whatever, that was gonna be the ultimate punishment. Like, I there was no margin for error anywhere in my house, and then I look back like wow, like I that was my normal. Like, and now I feel like I know a normal supposed to be, but like for the first 18 years of my life living at home, it's like I was always just like way up here because it's like you're walking on eggshells the entire time, yeah. You know, so I I just feel like one, like I had to acknowledge that, but then yeah, it's just like experiencing everything I had with Shelby and just like knowing that you know you're worthy of this. You know, I think the other thing is, you know, I I did despite all that, I still wanted my dad's approval, I wanted my parents' approval, which drives me to like become, you know, a you know, high honor role and summa cum laude and trying to achieve all these things that I wasn't even doing for myself, it was really for them, you know, which is why those things can be so unfulfilling when you get to that mountaintop, because the mountaintop wasn't even for you. It was for in the hopes that you would be acknowledged in getting to that mountaintop. But when you have something as magic, which I'm sure you can speak to with chance as well, you know, it's just like it's this unconditional love. It's like, you know, all really at the end of the day, dogs need is your love. And they will, and but they're still gonna give you their love no matter what. You know what I mean? That that that's why they're so that's really the true magic of them. You know, it's not a transactional love, it's not a conditional love. Where I feel like, especially in our business of entertainment, you know, and me like be having this realization of as of late, I'm like, oh, I think a lot of the friends I had in my industry were really just transactional. You know, does that make them bad people? I'm not that's not for me to say, but it's I have to acknowledge that okay, this friend that I had was really only in it when I was maybe doing stuff for them, or maybe when they felt they could benefit from it.

SPEAKER_00 24:39

Introducing you to somebody or like, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:42

Yeah, and dogs don't have that like Machiavellian sort of mindset. Like they're just completely pure and just like they're they're not the ones reading Machiavelli's The Prince and saying, Oh, you gotta do this, and like, oh, what they're not gonna come at you and say, Hey, uh, you know what my neighbor the your neighbor's dog said about you? It's kind of interesting. Like, no, they don't do that, they they don't have that sort of ulterior motive. And as far as we know, as far as we know, maybe maybe there are some, you know. I mean, but um, you know, understanding that just the fundamental thing of like you, you are worthy of that unconditional love, and dogs really provide that. And I certainly got that from Shelby, and especially during a a very the weirdest time we will ever experience, which was the pandemic, yeah, to have that was really such a gift, even though the world was what it was. In some ways, admittedly, the calmest I ever was was during lockdowns because I wasn't answering nobody's phone calls, nobody's asked what I'm working on. You know, you know, we were just at home, and all I had to do was just wake up, go on our morning walk, make our breakfast, we'll take a nap, go on another morning walk, you go another walk, and then that's it. It was like in some ways, like the lockdowns was like the best thing in some ways, even though the world was on fire, you know.

SPEAKER_00 25:54

Yeah, you just had to be in the moment with Shelby. Yeah, pretty much because there was nowhere else to be. Like literally, you couldn't be anywhere else.

SPEAKER_03 26:01

So yeah, yeah. And that's you know, that was before like any of the illness, like the signs of the illnesses were kicking in. So when I look back, it's like, oh, that the fact that we even had that window of time.

SPEAKER_01 26:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:12

And then I take her out. If I took her out of the equation of that, if I was just there alone, like my depressive symptoms would have been much, much worse. I'm sure I would have had, you know, more panic attacks, you know. And and actually the last panic attack I ever had was during lockdown because someone I was working with at the studio and we were we were social distancing, like tested positive for COVID at the time. So then I had to get tested. And then my but like this was like on a Friday, so I had to wait till Monday to get a test.

SPEAKER_00 26:39

Boy.

SPEAKER_03 26:40

And I remember the night before, I'm like, well, what if I do have it? And what if this thing is as deadly as they're saying? Like, who's gonna take care of shell? What if this thing takes me out? And but the crazy thing is like I felt the panic attack coming along at that time, like, and I was just like, Oh, okay, this is what's happening. Let me let this ride. But this is the first, and then she was just next to me, like, it's gonna be okay,

Kidney Failure Warning Signs And Diagnosis

SPEAKER_03 27:00

it's gonna be okay. Never had a panic attack since, you know, and but because and that was also the first time I could feel it in real time of oh, this is happening, it's gonna be fine.

SPEAKER_00 27:08

And you can identify it and get ahead of it. That's like be like, this is what it is. I don't know what panic attacks look like for you, but like, you know, I'm not having a heart attack. Um we've been I've been through this rodeo before, this is it, and then that helps take out some take take off some of the heaviness of it and having her support there.

SPEAKER_03 27:27

Yeah. And the sh and the sheets were drenched. That was the other side of it too. So I did have to all my panic attack backswept, but even then she was like, I'm still here for you.

SPEAKER_00 27:40

What do you think what do you think dogs provide like emotionally that humans can't? I mean, is it the unconditional love? Is it the is it because you can be in all of these feelings without judgment? Do you think that's what it is?

SPEAKER_03 27:57

Yeah, I think there's safety and you know, here's the thing. I I would yeah yeah, there there's that safe feeling, but I feel like they represent that perfect balance of these fundamental needs we have as humans. And I'm gonna use one example again. This is kind of how I do things. I'll do this one example that seems completely unrelated, but I'll bring it all around. Yeah, I uh this trend lately of people talking to Chat GPT or or Claude, sure, like their therapists, you know. I I feel like we're in a pattern of we're we're like purchasing availability, we're like seeking out not available, uh predictability rather. We're we're seeking out this predictability. And you know, we want certainty in you know in our lives, but we also crave uncertainty. It's like if just like you can't it that's why you give there's like superhero fatigue in movies, because if it's all formulaic, then at some point, like, well, what am I doing here? Like the whole point of watching a movie is like, yeah, you want to feel familiar, but at the same time, you want to be surprised. And you know, uncertainty is essential. Both the good surprises and bad surprises are essential because either one is gonna push you forward to where you're supposed to go. And I feel like dogs represent that certainty of, okay, no matter what happens, I'm here for you. I love you no matter what. But the other side of it is like, but I'm also gonna do zoomies all around, and you're not like and I'm not gonna warn you, and you're gonna have to chase me around, and sometimes I'm not gonna want to put my harness on, or like sometimes I'm not gonna want my food, but you're gonna figure it out. Yeah, I I feel like that's what dogs really represent. It's like their baseline is gonna be that certainty. No matter what, there they are gonna be unconditionally there for you. But also as humans, we do need those surprises too. And and you know, look, it was certainly a bad surprise to know that she had this genetic kidney condition. But at the same time, like I learned so much about what that entails, and I passed on so much knowledge to other dog parents to be like, hey, look, FYI, it might be good for you, like when they ask you if they they want to do the kidney test when they're young, do it. Because you never know, they might find something that's like a genetic predisposition, and then here's resources that you can go to to try to alleviate that. It's like, would that have made a difference if I would have known earlier? Maybe, maybe not. I can't go there, but I feel like if I have this knowledge, and believe me, when I was trying to fight this thing, I was at one point, like I was talking like six different veterinarians at one point at one time, you know. But you know, the the result wasn't what I would have wanted, obviously, but at the same time, I had this knowledge now, and that's another sort of indirect gift I got from it. But you know, it's like it's like that's the bad uncertainty that still led to something positive because I can pass it on to somebody else, you know. And I that like I just do think that dogs had that perfect yin-yang balance of those fundamental needs that we have as humans.

SPEAKER_00 30:52

Yeah. Do you wanna do you wanna walk us through what happened with with Shelby? Like how is first of all, is there a name for the kidney condition that she's uh not that I know of.

SPEAKER_03 31:05

I mean, it was just I know that hers was genetic, so whatever she had was she was just born with it. But um, I mean, kidney failure, kidney, kidney, you know, condition. Yeah, I think just kidneys in general. And that that's the crazy thing about it is you know, for humans, we have we have you can do dialysis, you can do transplants, you can do stuff like that. And I and the thing about the medical field of veterinary medicine, rather, there are these resources, but you have to know exactly where to look. Yeah, and no one actually tells you where to look.

SPEAKER_00 31:36

But no, but not for most things, yeah. They don't tell you where to look.

SPEAKER_03 31:40

And you know this because you you've run like you've run a business, like business.

SPEAKER_00 31:43

I do that for people, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:44

Yeah. Which which is it's so incredible what you do, you know, at at Shout Out to the Baruch, obviously. And then and everything. I I think most of your audience probably does know about that because then I've seen some of the other guests you have on, but anyone who's not, you know, maybe not familiar, and ple you can please correct me on this if I'm you know at all inaccurate, Charlotte. But I believe like since like even the 1980s, there's been resources, it's just they haven't really been utilized, and you still have to know exactly where to look in terms of use those resources. So yeah, you know, but like in terms of the kidney condition, look, it all started because one one day, like I just noticed like she was just like kind of lethargic and like what's okay, what's going on? And you know, you know when you when you are like when you're a dog parent, when you when you are like the caretaker, when you are the one that's uh responsible for the well-being of anyone, and in my case, this this amazing dog, you know when something's off, and you're gonna feel off too. And I just remember she just wouldn't stop throwing up and was like this clear liquid, clear liquid. And she had thrown up before, like dogs throw up sometimes, but I was like, There's something seriously wrong, and she is not because usually when she would throw up, she would feel better, like whatever she had to purge, she was like, Okay, I'm good, I'm good. Yeah. This was like she was getting progressively worse, and I called uh shout out to Dr. Mike McClanahan, who was our primary vet. He was just so wonderful, and we were on like a texting basis where he was so available, like anytime I had a uh a question, he was so ready for me. And I texted him and said, Hey, look, Shelby just this I told him what happened with Shelby. He's like, He's like, Well, I'm working today, so go ahead and bring her in. And you know, and like I'll get her in. And and uh by the time I texted him, I was actually already there. Like he's like, Oh, you're here? I was like, Oh, you're in the lobby, and he comes out and I'm hopeful, like, okay, maybe it's just like some sort of weird bug or what's going on. He comes out and I see the look on his face, he's like, Wow, she is not feeling good. And I was like, Oh, okay, this is this is not good. And he's like, I'm getting her back her, I'm gonna take her back right away. And I he was being very thoughtful of not, you know, throwing out too too much to make me worry too much, but I could tell like looking back internally, he was like, Okay, this could be bad. Like she she might be like she might be about to she might be passing like right now. Oh she gets back there. Yeah, it was close. If I you know, he says if I didn't bring her in at that moment, she might have passed. Like she was like really like close. But he got her on IVs right away and like you know, got her on fluids and all this stuff, got her on these meds. And then remember he and he like calls me later on that day. He's like, Yeah, something with their kidneys is off. You know, we're giving her fluids right now, and she's progressively like looks like she's perking up. And I was getting calls all day. It was between it was between Dr. Mike McClanahan and Dr. Seema over at Studio City Animal Hospital, just wonderful hospital. Uh it's a family-owned hospital too, so we support local businesses and all that good stuff. So he was giving me all that, but then by the time I got back there to pick her up, so you know, because they didn't have they didn't have overnight uh stays at Studio City Animal Hospital. We said, Hey, you can pick her up, bring her back again first thing in the morning. But when I came back, she actually liked every all the vet techs are like, Yeah, you know, you should know she perked up so much today, you know. And even Dr. Mike was like, This is probably the best scenario we can hope for. But bring her back tomorrow so we can do the whole thing again. And that's what we did. And then after the second day, they walked me through okay, this is what you need to do for the next you know, couple weeks, is I had to do the subcutaneous fluids and like give her subcutaneous fluids the key.

SPEAKER_00 35:17

You had to do that on your on your own.

SPEAKER_03 35:19

I had to do that on my own, which is believe me, that is not a pleasant experience to anybody who if somehow that is a bucket list item. I recommend that should not be a bucket list item. It's a good skill to have, but it's probably not one you should seek out. It is not pleasant, and you know, having to like put this needle into your dog's back and run these fluids in. And she was just so good through the whole thing. She just laid there and she knew that's what she, you know, what she had to do. And so I they she what he they walked me through that and they said, Okay, let's come back in like a week, let's see how she's doing. But you know, this is when Dr. Mike told me, like, okay, now that we're here and it seems like we're okay, like you should know, like, if you did not bring her into that moment, like she was dying. Like you, you you would have lost her. So, like, it's great. I'm so glad you you had the instinct to like bring her in and and try to get that going. So that was in like 2023, like February 2023, when when all that happened. I bring her back the next week, they ran her kidney numbers, and it like everything looked normal. And he's like, Oh my god, like maybe it was just a kidney infection. I'm like, Oh, okay, that's great. But then unfortunately, maybe a couple weeks after that, things started to happen again, and we got retested, and it's like, okay, like, yeah, I think just the meds she were she was on made the creatine numbers and the BUN numbers, which is like the two main reading levels on on kidney kidney uh numbers.

SPEAKER_01 36:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:41

Okay, this isn't looking good. I think we need to think about what's the protocol for to treat this because it looks like the kidneys are starting to shut down. And that's when I got to meet Dr. Magda at Holistica, uh, who are incredible. They're over in like the foothills, like near the Pasadena area. Highly recommend if you need holistic vet, you know, please hit up Holistica, that's Holistica with a K. And Dr. Magda and Dr. Magda put her on uh the ozonated fluids for her kidneys every week. So every Thursday we were doing ozonated fluids for her kidneys, and then I got recommended to Dr. Dufayet at UC Davis down in San Diego because he's like one of the top, top like renal specialists in veterinary medicine.

SPEAKER_00 37:17

That's a great veterinary school down there, UC Davis.

SPEAKER_03 37:20

Yeah, yeah. And Dr. Dufay was was wonderful. And for those saying this sounds expensive, yes, it very much was. So I was getting good reimbursements back, and I was just putting it all back into what she was doing. But I wasn't like, I didn't have

Caretaking, Costs, Specialists, And Bonus Life

SPEAKER_03 37:49

like great means back then, you know. It's like I was really going without just so she could live, you know. So I was like, I was make sure my rent was paid, and I was basically like, you know, eating saltine crackers and you know, whatever I could do to get by, and she was getting the great food from like just food for dogs and stuff like that, just so she could have her renal diet. But I basically followed that to the letter from like February 2023 all the way to like April 2024. So that's why I call it the bonus life, because in February 2023 that could have been uh you know her her the end of Shelby as we knew it, but I got like this bonus life with her, and you know, on top of that, like Holistica was offering like this stem cell treatment, so I was like, let's do it. You know, she's like, Well, it costs this much. I'm like, I'll figure it out, which I did, and so we they put stem cells like right into her kidneys, and I think for about three months she looked like she was back. I'm like, oh my god, it worked. Interesting, it and and it does, like, and I I that's something I don't know anything about. Interesting, yeah, and and there's a lot of regulations on that, and like I can't speak fully to it, but I do know like in the US there are a lot of regulations of how many stem cells you can use. I don't know how that applies to dogs. I know for humans, like they put a cap on how many stem cells we can actually put into our bodies. I don't know what again, I don't know how that applies to to dogs or anything like that. And that's why a lot of people will go to Tijuana, they'll go overseas to get stem cells because there's no regulations. You can do like millions upon millions of stem cells if you want in Tijuana, but here they're gonna cap it at a certain number. So I don't know the exact number what what she got. I do know that it worked for a little bit, and again, I got I she would travel with me. I took her back home to my mom's house back in Chicago, and my mom's like, Oh, she looks so strong, she looks so good. Yeah, and the then you know, which turned out to be the last Thanksgiving Christmas she got to spend in my mom's house, and but she was so like a hundred percent present and like almost like her puppy self, like jumping over the long over the tall side of the couch to get to me.

SPEAKER_00 39:46

Which she hadn't done since she was the corgies are low to the ground to them.

SPEAKER_03 39:50

She had some hops, you know. She has she had some uh she has she had some springs in her feet for sure. And I think about that, you know, on the one hand, it sucks that that was her last holiday with my mom, but it's like, oh, but my mom got to see her in this state, so that's my mom's final image of her, which is great to have. I I think it would have been very tough for my mom to see her like the way I saw her when she actually passed, because it's like you know, they become like a shell of themselves, you know. It's like they're it's almost like their spirits already kind of left the body, but they're still like just enough of them is sticking around so you can do your proper goodbye. And that's that's really what it was by the time it was her time to go. But yeah, I mean we're talking February 2023 is when I actually found out that's what was going on. That's when she was first hospitalized, and that I carried all the way, all that to February, no April 24th, 2024, which was her last day, which you know, she spent that last day in the ER, you know, and in you know, in an oxygen chamber, basically trying to they were trying to just make sure to keep her alive, but then it just came to the point where they I got that call that you don't want again said, hey, you should get here. Uh because they were prepared to keep her there for like overnight for like three, four days. Yeah. And I knew what that was gonna cost me. I'm like, well, I'll figure it out. And she pulled through last time, so who's to say she can't pull through this time? But even then I knew that okay, this this was different. This is probably not gonna be the result I want. Uh, you know, so yeah, I mean look, that that does something to you. When you become a caretaker and when you you gotta like piece like piecemeal together resources and figure out your day-to-day you know, it's just uh and then the kids yeah, yeah, so it's it's wild, you know.

SPEAKER_00 41:36

When you're in it, I think you're just like I'm at least for me and a lot of people I talk to, you're just like exactly what you said, we'll just figure it out. We want to do everything that we can to like support this little critter that we love. Right?

SPEAKER_03 41:52

So do whatever it takes, which is what I did, you know.

SPEAKER_00 41:57

And now you honor her with many tattoos.

Tattoos, Meaning, And Shelby’s Legacy

SPEAKER_03 42:01

I have four so far.

SPEAKER_00 42:02

You have four so far. Let's talk about him. What if you want to share? I know they're all there. You have four tattoos. You have a lot of tattoos, but you have four for Shelby, right?

SPEAKER_03 42:10

I though those are the only tattoos I have so far.

SPEAKER_00 42:12

Just for Shelby? I didn't know she had.

SPEAKER_03 42:14

Yeah. So the first one I got, so I I have her portrait here on my arm, which is based on the this portrait I keep on my desk. Oh, there we go. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:24

I'll put up some photos. If you send me a photo, I can put it on the screen so people can see. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:29

So this is the first one I got. It was like this took about nine hours in the chair. This amazing tattooist named Yano. Uh I'm I fall asleep when I get tattoos, so I'm that person. So apparently I'm made to get tattoos.

SPEAKER_02 42:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:40

And then the second one I got was uh I got her paw print on my chest. So it's over my heart right there.

SPEAKER_00 42:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:46

So and that was done by my friend Pasha Inc., he's he's incredible. And then I got her um nose print with the infinity symbol here. Uh this tattooist named Kim uh Rhea Kim, who is also incredible. So, because noseprints, as you know, and maybe those listening maybe don't know, that's like our fingerprint. Like there's no other nose print that was like hers, so now I have it like on my shoulder. And then the latest one I got was this um this one right here. It's like it looks like a coat of arms, but I call it like a rainbow bridge coat of arms. Yeah. So instead of swords, I have her angel wings and infinity symbol, and then I have three Roman numerals here, and I'll send a photo where people can see more clearly. But yeah, uh, the first Roman numeral set is her birthday, and then it's the day I got her and the day she crossed the rainbow bridge. So, like that, those are the four I have, and then I'm gonna get a fifth one just on my forearm, and I have it say Shelby Girl. Yeah. And the idea is I'm gonna have five tattoos for her five earth years. So that's why it's gonna be five. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:42

I love that. I keep thinking I'm gonna I don't have any tattoos, and I keep thinking I'm gonna get one related to chance, but I haven't mustered up the string yet.

SPEAKER_03 43:51

I think it'll come to you like it can't this one came to me pretty easily because you know I never was a tattoo person. Before this, like I never thought I'd ever have a tattoo.

SPEAKER_00 44:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:03

But I was just scrolling through Instagram and I came across Yano's page and I saw like the portrait she does with her tattoos. I'm like, oh, this is beautiful. I'm like, well, this would be kind of cool. Like, I so I've reached out to her and she was very receptive and gave me ideas. And I said, like, I love this photo of her. Like, you know, this is a photo, the photo for our show, like her in the car, like she loved our car rides. I'm like, I just feel like I want to capture that. She was always just like, We're we loved our car rides, and there's something, you know, something about her pure state of happiness that was captured in that photo. And then that became the design that we got, and you know, then from there it's like, oh well, uh, why don't I get five of them? Because like she was here for five earth years. So I think that makes it like a nice little roadmap, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:44

I love that. That's beautiful. What do you think is the most enduring thing that Shelby taught you during her time with you or after?

SPEAKER_01 44:56

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 44:59

I I think it's being present probably the biggest thing. You know, she taught me a multitude of things. Look, I I'm I'm at this point of my life and this point in my mental clarity because of like my five years with her. You know, and and I get asked all the time too, like, do you think you'll get another dog? My honest feeling is I won't. I I really, you know, I never you never say never because you never we don't really know. Like we can't we can't predict what's gonna happen in the next five minutes, let let alone what's gonna happen down the line. But for me, the way I look at it is I was meant to have her those five years. You know, even though I would wanted to have her for you know in perpetuity, you know, and I wish I wish that was the contract that we signed. But I was meant to have her within those specific five years. I'm in 2019 to 2024, those specific five years where I was really trying to figure out my stuff and figure out what do I want to do, like who like really taking ownership of my identity. And this throughout all that, I just see her being so present and just being so there. And that that's something I really take out of it. But when I look at where I am now and understanding all the things she taught me, like, yeah, you are worthy of you are worthy of nice things, you are worthy of love, you are worthy of the things that people say, like you whatever you feel like you've been denied of, like you you are worthy of that because she's representation of that. It's like you know, I had this like the perfect corgi. It's was it objectively perfect? That's not for me to say, but for me, like it was perfect, like the entire situation, even like the way, even with um the that last like year, year and some change when I was her caretaker, in its own way, it was perfect, you know, it was all part of this story that I was doing because it taught me so much, it taught me compassion, it taught me a next level, another level of empathy, which I always consider myself an empath, but it taught me just another level of that that I didn't know was possible and wouldn't know would be possible had it not been for that experience. Would it be better if I didn't have that experience? Yeah, of course. But at the same time, this goes back to what we were talking about earlier, the the basic human needs of uh of certainty and uncertainty. You know, we we need you know, we need the yin-yang, we need the extreme hot and the extreme cold to find whatever our lukewarm is. You know, that's just the essential human needs that we have. And you know, to to understand that you're worthy of loving yourself and others, it got me to the point where I am now. Like it got me to this mental clarity, it got me to this stage, you know. And going back to talking about like the final gift that she gave me, at least when she was present here on earth, I still think she's uh I still think she's still I think she's still giving gifts, uh, you know, uh presently. I mean, funny enough, we mentioned the tattoo, the tattoo and the weird and is kind of the reason why my girlfriend and I met. So, because apparently, like unbeknownst to me, two years ago she saw like we met at a spin class, but two years ago she saw me in a spin class at the same studio, and it was the tattoo that she realized, oh wait, you're the guy I saw that I you know, but we never talked back now. She's like, Yeah, she's like, but she calls it like the bat signal, like the Shelby tattoo is the bat signal. Like she knew, like, oh wait, you're you're him, like you're the guy I saw two years ago.

SPEAKER_00 48:13

That's totally Shelby.

SPEAKER_03 48:14

Yeah, yeah. So it so like she brought us together, but and and when you look at that, it's everything that I learned through my five years with her that brought me to this version of myself that would open me up to like be in the relationship I'm in now. If you take those five years out of the equation, or even if like she's still here as much as I'd want her to be here, I don't know if like I'm in this relationship, which is incredible, you know what I mean? So I have to look at it at that sense, you know, like those five years were meant to be five years, but they were meant to be those five years, and and I think that's you know something that she's taught me. She's taught me very much be present, but at the same time, your story like folds out the way it's supposed to. It never makes sense. Like you look at any movie, well, main movies rather, the middle second act never makes sense until the third act brings it around. You know, interesting. And I think we have multiple third acts. Like, I was certainly in a weird second act there. I don't even think I'm in my third act now, but I feel like this is going coming to like the other side of that weird second act that I was in, which was those like years I was her, that year I was her caretaker. So yeah, I it's like those are the lessons I get, but I I constantly still get lessons from that, and I still lean on that. I think about you take that out of the equation, you know, you know, like it's such a sliding door sort of thing, and um, yeah, so it's like Shelby brought us together, Shelby like tattooed the tattoo and everything. So um that's a great place, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:48

Ah, I love it. Thank you so much for sharing this story. There's a lot in there that I didn't know, and I just this was such a great chat. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_03 49:58

Thank you for having me. It's always great to connect with you, and uh, I'm so glad you're doing this, you know.

SPEAKER_00 50:02

We do.

Lessons, Love After Loss, And Closing

SPEAKER_00 50:03

If you enjoyed this conversation, I'd love it if you'd followed the show, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who loves dogs. You can find links to everything we talked about today in the show notes, and I'd love to connect with you on Instagram at Baroo Pup. If you have a story you'd like to share, you can email me at Charlotte at the Baru.com. Thanks for listening to the Baroo, and let's chat soon.